VBS

15 years ago this summer I was attending our new church's vacation bible school. I don't actually remember most of that week, other than the Grade 5 and 6 class was overflowing with preteen boys (horror of horrors!), several of whom probably could have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder had their parents pursued it.

I also remember the candy Dad passed out at the end of each night. There were these sugary rope things that had some sort of cream filling. I think they were called Cow's Tails. Everyone loved them ...other than the local dentists, I suppose.

What sticks out the most to me about that week is how it was one of the last times I felt like myself for about a half-dozen years. We moved to Ohio during the summer between Grade 5 and Grade 6 for me, and Grade 6 was an extremely difficult year for me. Everything in my life changed and nearly all of it was for the worse. I was never formally diagnosed with anything, but looking back I see many signs of clinical depression (and also some sort of anxiety disorder, I think.)

Life did improve after I finished Grade 6, especially once I hit high school and was able to carve out more of what I thought my life should look like. But I didn't fully recuperate until I was 17, taking college courses for most of the day, and only attending high school for an hour or two in the afternoon.

I think about the girl that I was then, and I wonder what she would say had she known that so many hard years were ahead of her. I miss the innocence I still had at that age, and there are some things (e.g. at least looking into the idea of me being home-schooled or transferring to a different public school) that I'd insist upon if I woke up tomorrow and was eleven again. But those years are also part of my history. I wouldn't be the same person without them....which can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how much one values Agnosticism or stubbornness in a person. ;)